Thursday, August 12, 2010

andrew jackson

the first time i ever smoked weed was, of course, while i was at work. Way back when i was 19 i worked 3rd shift at the illustrious Waffle House, located across the street from the biggest redneck bar in town. My co-workers were all major drug addicts who'd disappear en masse around 3:30 every night, leaving me to "watch the front". After i finally got mad enough to cuss a drunk customer out (the 3rd shift version of earning your wings) and threw their BLT out into the parking lot the other employees decided i was cool/not a narc and i was expected to join in. Which leads to this co-workers would open the standing cooler and blow the smoke up into the ventilation system, right over the flats of shell eggs. I've always wondered if marijuana smoke affects eggs in any way--Waffle House regulars are a remarkably loyal bunch. Anyhoo...

that first night i smoked weed at Waffle House i got beyond stoned. I don't know if all drugs hit you the hardest the first time you do them but damn. There's no way anyone could miss how high i was. Of course i had a table at the time, and was also running the register. My customers were two doddering old people, out way past the normal old people hour. While they were sitting there gumming their eggs and wheat toast me, the cook, and the other waitress were lighting up in the back. We all came stumbling out bleary eyed and giggly right before the old man at the table creakily stood up and started his slow shuffle to the register. I met him up there and his quavery arm reached out and handed me a 20...i looked at the bill in my hand...Andrew Jackson stared solemnly back at me...but oh god someone had colored his hair in with a flaming pink marker. And i totally lost it--like i laughed so hard i fell on the floor, tears streaming down my face. Memories...


  1. Sounds like fun. I knew Waffle House staff members are high during 3rd shift!

  2. I recently discovered your blog and have been checking back for new posts periodically.I hope you post again soon!